STRICTLY star Vicky Pattison has revealed she may ‘never have children’ over fears they will be ‘broken like her’.
The TV star, 38, who rose to fame after appearing on Geordie Shore, appeared on Giovanna Fletcher’s Happy Mum, Happy Baby podcast this week with her husband Ercan Ramdan, 32.
The former I’m A Celebrity Queen of the Jungle says she can’t decide if she wants children or not.
“There’s some part of me that thinks I’ve subconsciously closed the door on having children because I believe I will have a child that is broken like I am,” she says.
“For a really long time, I believed I was my father’s daughter, and I was just going to be an alcoholic like he was. I thought it was a predetermined destiny.
“I was terrified of this genetic element, and I believe that I was [going to be an alcoholic], so my child would be.”
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“For a long time, that played a huge part in stopping myself even thinking about being a mother.”
Vicky has previously spoken about her father John’s battle with alcoholism and expressed fears about whether her own relationship with booze is linked to her dad John’s problems.
“My dad has been largely removed from my life in the public eye because he’s struggled with his illness, it just didn’t feel right,” Vicky told the Sun’s TV mag in 2022.
“He’s a very poorly man and that’s part of him. I definitely wish things were different and I know he wishes he was different, too.
“He’s in a relatively strong place compared to how he’d been in more recent years, so he felt strong enough and ready to talk about his disease.”
The TV star, who boasts over 5.5million Instagram followers, broke down to Giovanna in the new chat, admitting that a lot of her worry around motherhood has been related to her relationship with her dad, and his alcoholism.
“We’re taking people along this ride with us in our decision about whether or not we should start a family, whether we’re cut out to be parents,” Vicky said.
“It’s been a beautiful but scary journey,” Ercan added.
Vicky says she often felt scared and in a “volatile” environment when younger and wouldn’t want to put her own child through that.
Vicky and Ercan, who wed in 2024, are also hosting a new Channel 4 programme Vicky Pattison: Maybe Baby?, where they examine the prospect of parenthood and investigate various routes, including egg freezing, surrogacy and adoption.
The 38-year-old documented her challenging egg-freezing journey in 2023 to promote transparency, resulting in the successful freezing of three embryos and three unfertilized eggs.
She faced hurdles, including ovarian cysts and intense hormone injections, but found the process empowering, allowing her to take control of her fertility and future family plans.
On Instagram, she said: “I decided to freeze my eggs. A decision that I didn’t take lightly, and one that a lot of people didn’t understand.
“But that didn’t matter to- what mattered was that I was doing the right thing for me.
“There is so much pressure on women to have everything figured out all the time and it’s just impossible to do it all.
“We’re doing so much more with our lives now- we’re smashing our careers, we’re seeing the world and we’re falling in love later!”
However, the Strictly star told Giovanna that she wish she knew more before doing the egg retrieval.
She explains: “It’s quite a lot on your body. I was really unprepared for the long ramifications and just how difficult I found it, and how painful I found it all.”
She says one woman she had been speaking to from breast cancer charity Coppa Feel reached out to ask how she was doing after having her egg retrieval, after saying she found it “more painful than chemotherapy”.
Vicky told her: “I don’t want to complain to you, but I feel like I’ve been hit by a car. Physically, I’m in bits, but hormonally, I’m all over the shop.”
“It can be a lot on a woman’s body.”
She adds: “I feel like if we don’t have those honest conversations, then more women are going to go into blind like I did, and not understanding the highs and lows.”
She has also previously discussed her concerns about how her medical condition, premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD), could affect her journey into motherhood – and detailed her experiences, including “crippling” anxiety and insomnia, during the weeks preceding her monthly cycle.
Speaking to The Sun, Vicky said: “I am a woman of a certain age who would love to have kids. But my fear is that my condition will make it very difficult to be the mum that I want to be.”
Considering the future, Vicky said: “You want to be this lovely, patient mother, but I do worry what I’ll be like with PMDD – because you’re short-tempered, you’re exhausted.”
Ercan, though, highlighted how Vicky’s behaviour with the couple’s two Labradors, Milo and Max, indicates she will be an “unbelievable” parent.
Speaking on Happy Mum, Happy Baby, he explains: “Unbelievable. I’ve seen the way you are with the dogs, I’ve seen the way you are with me, she’s going to be unbelievable. She’s incredible.”
What can you expect from an egg retrieval?
The NHS states that egg retrieval is key stage of IVF. It usually takes around 20-30 minutes and a doctor will use a guided ultrasound needle through the vagina to remove mature eggs from ovaries while you are under sedation.
After the procedure, you rest on a bed in the recovery area for 1 to 2 hours.
Side effects include some lower tummy or pelvic pain after the procedure.
You might have some blood-stained fluid (discharge) from the vagina. This should become darker and stop after a few days. The blood comes from where we passed the needle through the wall of the vagina.