WHEN your partner calls you beautiful or offers to pay for dinner, it can seem like a green flag.
But thanks to a growing manosphere movement, these small acts of what once seemed like chivalry could be a lot more toxic.
It’s a phenomenon that has taken over the internet, and one Louis Theroux has delved into with his upcoming Netflix documentary, Inside the Manosphere.
The critically acclaimed documentarian’s show will be released on March 11 and sees Louis follow the likes of HSTikkyTokky (real name Harrison Sullivan), Ed Matthews, Sneako (Nicolas Kenn De Balinthazy), as well as podcasters Myron Gaines and Justin Waller.
The men are known users of red-pilling, a term borrowed from The Matrix, where internet creators claim to have ‘woken up’ and ‘seen the truth’ about our society.
Often associated with far-right ideologies about gender and social structures, among the beliefs are that feminism is evil and oppresses men.
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Forums and online personalities who promote the idea have been dubbed the manosphere and it is becoming a growing concern globally.
UNWOMEN have found that men with restrictive gender views are more likely to be a danger to themselves and others.
They are more prone to substance abuse and suicidal thoughts, and recent data shows younger men hold more restrictive views on gender roles than older men, marking a huge step back for gender equality.
While it may seem like a sub-section of the internet, the reality is far different – most Gen Z are sent content from the manosphere online and your partner may have been targeted too.
Dr. Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, a sexpert and relationship expert, agrees, saying it can cause harm to society as a whole.
Speaking exclusively to Fabulous, she says: “These traits are dangerous because they can lead to male loneliness, isolation, extreme social comparison, shame, self-hatred, and violence against women.
“Men deep in the manosphere will often be difficult to date because they see relationships as inherent power struggles.
“They will therefore have a hard time taking accountability for their own emotions or behaviors and show a disregard for a woman’s experience.”
Here, we break down the red flags your partner has entered the manosphere and how to help them get out.
1. Blaming feminism for men’s problems
Dr. Tara reveals that often red-pilled men will blame feminism for any male problems they see in society.
In the manosphere, this can often be seen as a man who blames feminism for not having a girlfriend or getting a job.
Incels (involuntary celibates) who participate in the group often promote that men are entitled to have sex and that modern feminism has gotten in the way.
In more extreme cases, they also promote rape and sexual assault.
2. Higher ‘value’ women
The sexpert revealed a clear sign your partner has been in the manosphere is how he discusses women, especially using the term ‘high value.’
It’s a common phrase thrown around in the manosphere to explain the type of woman they see as worthy of their time.
Dr. Tara says: “In dating, they often harbor resentment toward the ‘modern woman’ and may feel women are entitled or expect too much from a man.
“There’s usually a lack of nuance when they reflect on their own dating and life experiences.”
She adds that using the term ‘higher value’ pits women against each other for men to control and signal how they feel about gender roles and women’s rights in the modern world.
A clear sign of this is from one of the most infamous podcasters, Andrew Tate.
In one debate with Bonnie Blue, Andrew claimed: “In the conservative traditionally masculinely ruled world, a man would be in charge of his daughters until they’re handed over to their husbands or boyfriends and there would be a degree of masculine guidance, but feminism didn’t want that.
“You know, women complained that men don’t want to get married.
“We did actually want to get married when we got obedient virgins, but they disappeared and they complained about the patriarchy and they were tired of us giving them a house to live in and kids to raise and they wanted to make their own choices.”
3. Hit a wall
Another common phrase used in the ever-growing misogynistic world is ‘hit a wall,’ a term used to claim women are no longer attractive after reaching a certain age, reports Tara.
She adds: “They believe a man’s value goes up as they age while a woman’s value goes down.”
On Reddit, many debates have taken place over when women ‘hit a wall’ and if men can too.
The conclusion most often reached in the manosphere is that women are only worthwhile if still young enough to birth children, while men become better as they get older and earn more money.
4. Alpha male
The term alpha male has become synonymous with those in the manosphere.
The terms are used to describe a ‘dominating’ man (the alpha) compared to a beta, usually referring to a man who treats their partner with respect and autonomy.
The relationship expert reveals: “This can manifest as them calling themselves alpha males to excuse their own behaviour (like jealousy).”
She adds that this language is often used to signify a more sinister personality type.
She says: “It can affect relationships in many ways. Red pill men may use power and control to get their way instead of having a collaborative partnership.
“They may be controlling, extremely jealous, or otherwise not trust women, because the red pill philosophy teaches men that women are untrustworthy and manipulative.
“There may also be emotional distance or immaturity in these relationships because red pill men believe being emotionally expressive is undesirable or weak.”
5. Trad life
Another sign of your man falling into the manosphere is placing a high stake on ‘traditional,’ conservative values in a relationship.
Tara says this can show up in many ways including; ‘men make the money and women care for the home’ or ‘my future wife must be beautiful.’
“Saying they are a high-value male (bonus points if they are a “high value male looking for a high value female),” she adds.*
HSTikkyTokky (Harrison Sullivan) was caught saying he couldn’t marry a woman with a body count higher than 10 because he was a ‘high value man.’
What to do
If you partner has used these terms or has debated why they make sense, it’s valid to be concerned and want to bring it up in a way that doesn’t add fuel to the fire.
Tara says: “Bring it up by using ‘I’ language and leading with curiosity, rather than judgment.
“A lot of men have been sucked into the manosphere because of the loneliness they feel, and this becomes a vicious cycle of women not wanting to be around/with them, making them more lonely.
“You could say something like, ‘I’ve noticed some people you follow on Instagram. Can I ask you why you enjoy watching their content? Do you resonate with their ideas, or is it something else? Do you think their ideas apply to our relationship or our lives?’
“You could also ask them something general like ‘what does healthy masculinity look like to you?’ Their responses to these kinds of questions will reveal a lot.
“Are they overly defensive or rigid about how they feel? Take note, and try observing if it’s a pattern or just a couple of comments.
“If it seems to be a pattern, it is a much more serious situation requiring a deeper, longer conversation, possibly involving a coach, therapist, or relationship counselor.”